this is funny

[starbuck]

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?"

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:






.....








.....








"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."

[The_Sage]

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells
his wife about the purchase he's just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he explains, "gold, silver and bronze."
"So what color are you gonna wear tonight?" she asks with a grin.
"Gold of course," says the proud man.
The wife responds, "Why don't you wear silver -- it would be nice
if you came second for a change!"

Here is one.

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and a generic name. For example Tylenol's trade name is is Tylenol, generic name Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxcillin and Advil is also call Iburprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it was recently announced that a name few generic names have been settled upon.
Mycoxafloppin, Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, Dixafix and of course Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and we marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible fora man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs, and just a good old fashioned stiff drink. Pepsi will market the new concotion by the name of Mount & Do.
Thought for the day is:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky [censored] and huge erections and absolutely no collection of what to do with them..... [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]


If this is a little much for this part of the forum. Rock or one of the others please move it. Just thought it was kinda funny.

[imported_yomama]

A woman goes to her usual pharmacist and asks him for some poison. He asks "why on earth do you need poison." She responds, "My husband is cheating on me and I want to kill him." The pharmacist said, "I'm sorry ma'am but you'd go to jail for murder, and I'd lose my license, and I'd probably go to jail too. I just can't give you poison. I'm sorry."

The lady then pulled out a photograph of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and handed it to him. He looks at it and matter of factly states, "Oh I see you have a prescription."

[R0cketer]

10 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO YOUR PREGNANT WIFE

10. Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds.

9. I finished off the triple chocolate fudge ice cream, sorry.

8. It's not like your thighs are gonna stay that flabby forever... are they?

7. With a bod like that, you'd never guess that Angelina Jolie had a baby!

6. Whoa, for a minute there I thought I had woken up next to walrus!

5. I'm thinkin' we name the baby after my secretary, Buffy.

4. Ya know... I head that Richard Simmons guy does house calls now.

3. Oh here's the remote... it was lodged under your belly.

2. Britney Spears was cute.... until she started having kids.

1. You don't have the guts to pull the trigger...

[The_Sage]

A very loud,unattractive,mean acting woman walks into Walmart with her two kids in tow,screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Walmart Greeter says,"Good morning and welcome to Walmart...nice children you got there--are they twins?"

The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say,"Hell no they ain't twins,the oldest one he's 9 and the youngest one,she's 7.why the hell would you think they're twins?...do you really think they look alike ?"

"No" replies the Greeter,"I just couldn't believe you got laid twice"